Life-Changing Funny

A few things:

Shit My Dad Says is life-changing funny. I ought to start recording the shit my dad says. Things like The Pathetic Hug. The world needs to be aware of the things that come out of my father’s mouth. Hysterical.

Second, I got a text from John today and it was of the following conversation with his co-worker via text.

Sean: Where are you?
John: In bay 4, you need in?
Sean: I’m coming.
John: I’m happy for you.
Sean: In back door.
John: You lucky dog.

Sean: Where do we want to go for lunch?
John: Somewhere with soup. Maybe some White Spot clam chowder?
Sean: Fag.
John: That’s not what your brother said last night…

So good.

Third, I work in tourism. In Vancouver. Vancouver draws people from all over the world, mostly because we’re a world-class city. And the kind of tourists that visit world-class cities are retarded.

Guest: I’m on the 10am City Highlights tour and I’m still waiting for my bus at the Pan Pacific? Where is it? When will it get here?

Me: Ma’am, it’s currently 8am. Your bus will be there to pick you up at 10am.

I love my job. I honestly do.

I also want an iPhone. I’ll give my mama my Dwight “iTouch” Shrute.

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