Raccoons On My Patio

From 3 April 2005

Ok, so at about 1:50 this morning, I’m woken up (kinda) by the sound of plastic on cement. I automatically think someone’s trying to break in and has effed-up in the silence department…turns out its just the wind and 2 raccoons. Bloody effing raccoons.

So, anyhow, I smack on my window, as it’s right next to the thing they’re trying to get into, and the lil critter jumps. Heh heh heh. Then it goes back to what it was doing before – trying to rob me of my dog food. *insert snarly face here* ‘Grrr’ is damn right!

So then I go to the sliding glass door in the living room & flip on the patio light so I’s can get a better look at these arses…they’re no longer robbing me – they’re doing something quite different, thank-you. And at first, because I’d been asleep, when I saw them doing….that, I thought to myself, “What the f—iretruck?” Yes, that’s right – I had no clue what they were doing…for 2 seconds. Then I clued in, opened the door, and hosed the miscreants (with a garden hose), whispering, “THAT’S NOT APPROPRIATE FOR ROBBING, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!!

They didn’t quite get the message. But after several washes with the hose and whispered threats & comments about their parentage, I can only assume they did. Oh, and the Rubbermaid tub holding the dog food was dragged into the living room by yours truly. I tried to take pictures, but the batteries were dead. Effing batteries.

Aaaaaaaaand SCENE!


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