Movie Remakes & Adaptations

He Said/She Said had a post about movie remakes, specifically about the new Karate Kid (in which the Chinese Jackie Chan teaches kung fu to Will Smith’s kid), and in a “What If” moment, asked “Would there be an uproar from our parents’ generation if some jackass in Hollywood announced a new Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid starring Nicolas Cage and Ashton Kucher?”

If they remake Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid (especially with Nicolas Cage & Ashton Kutcher), there will be mass casualties. On set. Never again would Nic Cage attempt to woo us with his uni-expression and so-called talent. The man hasn’t been truly decent in anything since Moonstruck in 1987. I mean, really?! What would they be THINKING?! You don’t mess with the wonderous chemistry that exists between Paul Newman and Robert Redford! There are few better ways to make me angry, world.

Promise me this will never, ever happen.

The Goonies is another one. Josh Brolin, Sean Astin… that Asian kid, the Fat Kid… Too much epicness to change it! You couldn’t get that kind of goodness from today’s films.


Life-Changing Funny

A few things:

Shit My Dad Says is life-changing funny. I ought to start recording the shit my dad says. Things like The Pathetic Hug. The world needs to be aware of the things that come out of my father’s mouth. Hysterical.

Second, I got a text from John today and it was of the following conversation with his co-worker via text.

Sean: Where are you?
John: In bay 4, you need in?
Sean: I’m coming.
John: I’m happy for you.
Sean: In back door.
John: You lucky dog.

Sean: Where do we want to go for lunch?
John: Somewhere with soup. Maybe some White Spot clam chowder?
Sean: Fag.
John: That’s not what your brother said last night…

So good.

Third, I work in tourism. In Vancouver. Vancouver draws people from all over the world, mostly because we’re a world-class city. And the kind of tourists that visit world-class cities are retarded.

Guest: I’m on the 10am City Highlights tour and I’m still waiting for my bus at the Pan Pacific? Where is it? When will it get here?

Me: Ma’am, it’s currently 8am. Your bus will be there to pick you up at 10am.

I love my job. I honestly do.

I also want an iPhone. I’ll give my mama my Dwight “iTouch” Shrute.